i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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