I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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