Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
