My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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