I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
