I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
ttyl tear gas
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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