Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
