I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
