I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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