super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
