IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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