uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
