I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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