Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
