Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize