The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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