We're facebook friends in real life
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
