whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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