That's intense
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
