just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
