listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
