My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
