there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
