omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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