The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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