Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
