yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
