Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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