I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
