i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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