i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
