What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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