he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
