Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
