The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
