Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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