Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i out mim tonsoeep
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
