DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
