the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
