oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
