it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize