I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
