I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
