I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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