i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
