So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
