I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
