i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
