its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
