nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize