I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
