He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
