he shaved USA in his pubs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
