everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
