don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
