Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
