It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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