she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All the doctor said was why
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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