Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
