I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
wow bdsm is so cute
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
