Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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