Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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