the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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