happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
