I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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