bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
