I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You ruined the universe
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
