Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
