My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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