I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
