After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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