Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
